sick and scared of seeing the doc.

have you ever had  an experience wherein you witnessed a relative's illness went worse and then better? well i have had and mind you, it's not easy because it's not just an ordinary illness. it's cancer. and have you ever had the stinking feeling that you'd have the biggest probability of being the next one to get the disease? it's sickening. the mere thought of it makes me want to puke, but on the brighter side, makes me cherish every second of life even more. im not sure if im just being paranoid or i have given it a thought since i graduated with a course that deals with illnesses (basically, a nurse), but i really have this feeling that i am going to be unluckily passed a disease on. did i just say that? i just did. oh! :(

i have not been very vocal with my problem to my family, especially to my mom. i just dont want her to feel bothered with my own burdens. she has countless already and i cant afford to add only to find out that i had worsen her illness even before i can be diagnosed of anything at all. im getting so negative now. ha! but nevertheless, im still very positive with everything in my life now. what's with all the ambitions that im starting to work out. and there's even progress now mind you. well... :)

i think i'd just end this negativity here, for now and focus more on the good things life has been offering me. ciao!