now's the time

OK fine, so im hot-tempered, im insensitive at times, im opinionated and most of all im very self defensive. but despite all of those, i get hurt too. now the time has finally came. he had lost control and temper, everything bottled up inside him has exploded. i cant blame him. if i were him, i'd have blasted too a long time ago. i just cant believe it. it might be that i was just so lax thinking he has unlimited patience in  stored for be. i should have known better. im ready to face the consequences though. it's scary and embarrassing of course. you know, having a personality like mine, someone who doesn't want to lower down one's pride, will sometime lead you spiraling down as well. cant learn my lesson the easier way, then i'd have it the hard way (as always). oh my g*d, cant believ im writing something like this. i just want to let it out, i cant contain the discomfort and pain i feel right now. :(

working my ass off.

now it's another day at work. no more rest day until next week. oh how time flies by so fast, as what my boyfriend always says when he's about to go home leaving me here. huhu. but nevertheless, it's another day to count until we will see each other again.  im getting very emotional here. LOL. by the way, im just about to write what happened on my 2 days off from work.

well first day, i spent it at home just taking some rest and storing energy for next day's agenda. it feeeeels so good to stay home and just chill, eat, watch tv shows. basically just relax. i miss the feeling of staying at home without a heavy heart. i get to do what i want without being scared that somebody might suddenly just barge in to my room and tell me this and that. by the way, i think im getting mature enough and check if our refrigerator has something. LOL, couldnt be more proud! ha ha!

well going back, on the second day, i was so excited to get out of the house and have fun with friends and my boyfriend. i really miss the 2 constant people of my life, elmer and loie. finally, we had the chance to bond and you know, do the things we usually do before (but now, with an additional person, my boyfriend, whom i always tag with me wherever i go). i was so happy, life couldnt be more wonderful when you choose for it to be.

now, i cant wait for another time to be spent with them. of course, im a bit guilty because i dont really get to do same stuff with my family. but i'd sure find some other time and some other things with them. it's just a matter of balancing your time with the people you love. and most all, balancing your budget. hek hek. :p

anger management

so here i am trying to write something about a negative trait, which i wont deny having, anger management. i always feel guilty because whenever i get angry, i tend to hurt the people i love and who care for me most. :( i have had several spats with the people at home because i cant contain my anger and i really burst out whenever im hurt. the thing is, anybody can understand it happens but sometimes words are definitely something you can give without any luxury of getting back, and if somehow a person is hurt using words, the cut is deeper than any other physical wounds a person  can have. i believe im not evil by nature but the nature of how i was brought up and how i was exposed to people made me very very defensive that in times i get hurt, i attack without thinking. the price, sad to say, are the people closest to my heart. and i despise myself for that! it's a courage to admit i have this kind of problem but trying to change is another. im willing, very willing, but it's not easy. at all. :( i wish i could just sleep overnight and then the next day i already have that self control. :(

so what am i gonna write now to make use of the time i have... hmmm...

yeah i remember, i've been wanting to get inked for a long time. i guess i'll have the final ink any day within the month. OMG the thought's starting to ache me! am i not ready yet? hah! a friend told me to think about it first because first and foremost, it's permanent and second but equally important thing is, years from now, my skin will sag and i wouldnt be so sure if it will be as nice to look at as it would now. hmm, something to think about, yes. but you know, i have deeper and more personal reason why i want to have the tattoo and i guess even how many times i delay it, it will really happen.

the problem is, i dont have the design yet. help help. what should i put? hehe.

sick and scared of seeing the doc.

have you ever had  an experience wherein you witnessed a relative's illness went worse and then better? well i have had and mind you, it's not easy because it's not just an ordinary illness. it's cancer. and have you ever had the stinking feeling that you'd have the biggest probability of being the next one to get the disease? it's sickening. the mere thought of it makes me want to puke, but on the brighter side, makes me cherish every second of life even more. im not sure if im just being paranoid or i have given it a thought since i graduated with a course that deals with illnesses (basically, a nurse), but i really have this feeling that i am going to be unluckily passed a disease on. did i just say that? i just did. oh! :(

i have not been very vocal with my problem to my family, especially to my mom. i just dont want her to feel bothered with my own burdens. she has countless already and i cant afford to add only to find out that i had worsen her illness even before i can be diagnosed of anything at all. im getting so negative now. ha! but nevertheless, im still very positive with everything in my life now. what's with all the ambitions that im starting to work out. and there's even progress now mind you. well... :)

i think i'd just end this negativity here, for now and focus more on the good things life has been offering me. ciao!

so this is what being mature feels like? :)

it's been  a while since i've updated this blogsite. i guess im just bored paying attention to this annoying dry cough day before my "1 day" off. im actually just browsing something in twitter and i remember oh my gosh,  i almost forgot i've set up a page to write my thoughts on. now my hands are itching to type nonsense here..



well first and foremost, im now a CERTIFIED NURSE (i havent registered my license yet though, but still)!, and i couldnt be more thankful to GOD. he has been so good to me when "almost nobody" was. dramatic mode! going back to my college and school days, im so proud to say that i did everything with grace and balance. i was never left out with all the good times in the world but what's even more exciting and good was the fact that i hit the top students list at school. well then, speaking of hard work and ambition. ;) i can still remember going to school without any agenda but SCHOOL ITSELF. i wasnt that interested with the boys and clubs and the cliques. it was plainly school and then friends outside school. i have TGIFs too, dont mistake me for being a nerd. LOL. and thinking about all of those always makes me smile; never fails to make me smile.


well moving forward, i stepped into the review world not fully geared and 100% prepared. i diligently attended review every day with the goal of having to see my great reviewers but not really having to learn what they have to teach. it came on and on until the last day of the review but i guess GOD really loves me that much he prevented the possibility of my being a center of attention in a bad way to my relatives. (if you know what i mean).

now... tadah! im a full-pledged salary-earner! i couldnt be more proud of my self. well the story went like this... life during and after review was majorly spent online, mostly facebook and tv show streaming. i was in constant communication with my friends basically kidding ourselves into job hunting due to the fact that our financial providers wont give us anything for the the reason that we are not considered "students" anymore. well we get to enjoy the luxury of being at home and getting the free food and internet connection but it could NOT,  definitely NOT, outweigh the fact the we are PENNILESS! LOL! so that's it. we decided to search for resume formats, edit and print. then we headed out to.... SUTHERLAND!

the pressure was too much! people are speaking in english everywhere. im not used to it! LOL! but as ambitious and determined as i am, i pushed thru with my decision wih my head up high. well, thank GOD for the patience he gave me that time (TWO days, TWO days!), i finally got the job. and so on and so forth.

well just so you'd know, i got my mother a new refrigerator. ;) hehe.