It’s been more than a month of asking why.. of unknown questions with self-formulated answers.  He’s not coming back.. He will never be back. The years of being genuinely happy together ended with an unexpected blow. Life can really play on you in ways you can’t anticipate. One day you’re on your happiest then next, you’re hitting the sea floor.

I don’t know why I feel pessimistic this time when my mind thinks positively. I guess not all times will brain and heart go together.

It’s funny, people always look for love.  If not money, it’s always love. But the ironic part is, sometimes it strips you naked with pain. It will let you do the extremes of things you can never imagine you’ll ever do.

People are complicated. Life isn’t. if you think about it… people never get contented, I for one, is guilty of such. People get hurt because people hurt people. People love because it’s the same people who have made them feel it.  People kill because people are too greedy to share. People die so other people can be born. 

Whenever I think of the years to come, I always feel that dread. I guess I’m just afraid because it’s a total unknown that I sometimes want to find out what. But there’s always a part of me that cannot leave the comfort of the safety zone I built for myself.

Growing up, I never knew what it feels like having a father and that might be the reason why my design is s sturdy as this. I never asked for this, nor planned to be like this.  But whatever structure God made me, I know it’s because of the story he created for me. My life was not and isn’t easy, but never a dull moment. What’s in stored in the future? I don’t know. And again.. im too fearful to ponder on it. But whatever will be, will be. Im now God’s puppet and I happily give myself to Him.