as i was browsing through my facebook history, i couldn't help but smile and feel light-hearted. i never knew i was that positive. what happened? did something happen between then and now that made me so pessimistic? i was in a glorioulsy blissful state back then, not minding what people say, enjoying everything life offered me, looking at the beauty of things that surround me. the big question is, what happened?
as far as i can remember, i used to be that kind of person who sees life as it is and takes everything in front of me without defiance and half-full. the lovely, strong girl who used to be me was so dedicated with serving her life to the best of her determination. i looked so happy. i looked so happy doing all of those. i looked so carefree. and whenever i look at my old me, i feel this lightness inside me which cannot be given by anyone who tries to offer me the best of their advices and comfort when im down. it's funny things are that way. so it only means that i have the biggest pull on things concerning me.
but what happened?
i had a major heartbreak and i was faced with the the reality of my responsibilities. that is probably what happened. that is probably the reason why things had their sudden turn around. it's so sad to think that whatever joy i have in my grasp now is, in one way or another, affected by the perception i have after life's challenges. those things made me fear the things life can give me. those heartaches made me hesitant to trust people, when i used to trust people easily and just forgets when they hurt me. those things planted paranoia in my head that no one can totally understand me. those things made me question the truth of what someone has done for me and what someone feels for me. those things messed up my beautiful view of the world. those things made me lazy and fat! those things made me distrust my ability to take on the world. those things made me hide in the dark.
as im writing this, my heart feels a crushing pain. i have been wanting to let it all out. but when? where? to whom?
